Hopeless
by diamondsintheroughhh
Summary: I SUCK AT SUMMARIES. but, I promise this is a good story! please please review! :D My take on Vivere Sine Timore's story, Hopeless.Not the same, but a different view in a more elaborate scheme.. Please read and YOU GET A FREE PUPPY! REVIEW PLEASE! Thanks my little readers! :D
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer:_**

**_I do NOT own the names Natara Williams or Mal Fallon. Nor do I own the setting of San Francisco. Aside from that, everything in this fictional story DOES belong to me. No copyright intended. Natara Williams and Mal Fallon belong to Electronic Arts company._**

**_This story is purely fictional. Any similarities to anyone, living or dead are strictly coincidental. The only piece of this writing I do not own are the names of Natara Williams, Malachi Charles Fallon, Amy Chen, and LT. Charles Anders. Everything else is from my original creativity, and has not been copied off anywhere else. _**

**_Copyright ©2013_**

**_All rights reserved._**

**_ Also, the original story is written by Vivere Sine Timore. I enjoyed it so much, I decided to write my own little story based off of hers. I haven't read her version in over 7 months, but I feel like I used many of her own quotes from simple memory. :) I hope you don't mind Vivere Sine Timore. _**

**_ALSO, We all know that Natara isn't part of mossad... BUT... If you watch NCIS then you will know who is part of Mossad... I'll admit, I have a girl crush on Ziva... I mean come on, not only is she gorgous, but she can kill someone 18 ways with a paperclip! So I just had to include that. :) Enjoy!_**

Chapter 1

**_*You are now Natara Williams*_**

I was in so much pain. I felt like a broken, abused animal, trapped in a cage. I suppose that isn't far from the truth. I was in an enclosed room, with no windows, and the only item connecting me to the outside world was a heavily bolted metal door. I was a prisoner. I tried to think of how long I have been held captive, I lost track after six days. I was so stupid. Well, I mean I was smart to go after the lead I received about the Senan Miller case. It is my job, after all. But it was stupid of me to not tell anyone where I was going. Even if I told my partner, who is also my boyfriend, Mal Fallon, where I was going, he would at least have a hunch of where I was. My mind drifted back to Mal. God, he must be going through hell trying to find me. I just hope my FBI level profiling skills rubbed off on him.

We met two years ago, and it was very clear that we were two very different people. Malachi Charles Fallon, head detective of the San Francisco Police Department. He was notorious for following his gut and using his "street sense" to take down suspects. And then, you have I, the logical FBI profiler, who can use psychology to get into the heads of killers and break them down via psychological warfare with their mind. In addition, I spent four years in Israel, working undercover in Mossad for the FBI to try to track a mole. It was a very deep cover operation, so deep that I eventually took the training the average Mossad agent would undergo. After basic training, I was placed in the sector known as Metsada, which, to put bluntly, deals in assassination, spying and psychological warfare. In addition, they are commonly referred to as the "Secret Service" of Israel. While there, I learned how to defend myself, and how to kill. I learned how to be a spy, and how to not be spotted. I came back to America three years ago, after successfully terminating the mole in the system.

I mentally kick myself. I had Mossad training; I was trained to kill, spy, and was taught to always keep my guard up. As Mal jokes, I was trained to be a ninja. However, I guess that saying isn't far from the truth. I let myself get caught. And now, I am paying the price.

I slowly, painfully, roll over onto my side, the smell of fresh blood floated into my nose. I must look truly horrifying. I can feel my dirty, tattered shirt drenched in blood cling to my back. As I turn, I accidently put weight on my fractured wrist, and I cry out in pain. Well, my mouth opened, but no sound comes out. Probably due to the few bouts of strangulation and over use. Laying there on the cold, damp, cement floor, I close my eyes and feel a sensation that is particularly rare to me. I feel… I feel weak. I feel, hopeless.

Suddenly, a loud shout from the hallway brought me back to my senses. Great, Miller brought a friend for this round. He already dragged me out to torture me earlier today. Or maybe it was yesterday. I was knocked out halfway through that torture session, I could've been knocked out for a day and not know.

Abruptly, the shouting stopped and a gunshot rang out. I instantly snapped back to reality and my body jolted upright, resulting in extreme pain to run through my entire body. I heard running feet, and the locks on the door being cut off, dropping to the floor. The door eventually was kicked in and I snapped my eyes shut once more to find shelter from the seemingly extreme bright light that now flooded the tiny enclosure I was in. When I opened my eyes again, I saw a shadow standing next to me, and then heard the shadow speak.

"Natara?" The shadow gently whispered. I knew that voice from anywhere. It was Mal. He found me. "Natara, if you can hear me, blink your eyes. Please?" I complied and he let out a sigh of relief. I was still cold, and it was made obvious by my constant shivering. Mal took note of this, and immediately took off his jacket and was about to toss it over my freezing body. My mind, still in defense mode, immediately forced my body to shrink back and left me cowering in fear. A look of pity and sadness washed over Mal's face, his deep cerulean eyes darkened in rage.

"Shh, Nat it's just me. I won't hurt you I promise." He spoke gently. Slowly, ever so slowly, he lightly placed his jacket over my shivering body and held me close. It hurt so bad when he held me, but I didn't show it. Honestly, I was more grateful for his touch and body heat to worry about the intense pain.

"Captain, we need an ambulance, ASAP!" Mal called out to our boss, Captain Lieutenant Anders.

"Ambulance is already en route, it should be here soon!" Anders called back. Good, I can finally get out of this hell hole. I felt Mal's grip tighten against me, and I buried my bruised face into his chest, taking in his intoxicating aroma of his Axe body spray. I thought I would never smell that again. Even though I would normally find that scent disgusting, at least it was better than the stale smell of the fresh and the dried blood, the only scent I could smell for the past several days. Not only that, it proved that _this, _the events that are occurring right now, wasn't in my imagination. It was real, I was really being rescued.

I close my eyes and exhale loudly, so thankful that this whole ordeal was over. Or so I hoped so anyway.

Eventually, I heard new voices enter the room. I am assuming they belonged to the EMT's, but honestly, it was such a blur. I can't even remember their faces. I felt being rolled onto a backboard and having my neck strapped into a neck brace. I recall momentarily shuddering and attempting to cry out in pain. I remember Mal heading into the ambulance with me, holding my hand tightly. Then someone slipped on an oxygen mask over my face, as the ambulance started and I heard the wail of the sirens as it headed to the hospital.

When we were about three minutes away, they placed a different mask over my face, and instructed me to count backwards from 100. I think I reached 91 before I lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Alright guys, the only reason why I'm updating so fast is just because this entire story is already prewritten... I wrote the entire thing in my Literature and Composition AP English class... LOL for an AP class, we don't do much... At all. Here's Chapter two!**_

Chapter 2

**_*You are now Malachi Charles Fallon*_**

She looked so bad. I didn't want to look, but when I did, I could not believe it was the same person who I had worked with for the past two years.

Natara, whose chocolate brown hair always used to cascade smoothly down to her petite waist, was now matted, knotted, greasy, and caked with blood. Her beautiful hazel eyes that used to be always full of life and were always shining, were now dull and lacked any sign of life they had before. Surrounding her eyes, the skin was black and blue, with a mix of other disgusting colors. Her flawless, dark tanned skin was now covered in deep gashes, bruises, burns, and who knows what else? But above all of that, what scared me the most was how she reacted to me when I reached out for her. Nothing scares Natara. _Nothing. _I'll admit, I'm not a guy who gets scared easily, but I remember when onetime we were watching some sort of horror movie. I can't even remember the name of the film. But I do remember that at one point, something jumped out in front of the camera and I'll admit, it scared me. But Nat? Nope, it didn't even faze her. In fact, she thought that part of the movie was hilarious.

Not to mention, she is the bravest, and the strongest woman I knew. She's the only five-foot-two inch 97 pound woman I knew of that could take down a 250 pound marine. The marine was a suspect in an investigation, and someone slipped lethal doses of PCP in his tobacco. He had a chew of tobacco before the interrogation began, and soon he was overdosing on the amount of PCP. As much as I hate to admit it, that marine knocked me out in one punch. It was only for a few moments, but then when I became aware of the surroundings once more, Natara was on top of him, pushing him against the floor so he couldn't get up and attack anyone.

I just can't believe that the same woman who took down that Marine, is the same beaten, scared woman I found in that building this morning.

Soon, word got out at the precinct that Nat was found, and our data analyst, Amy Chen, was the first to arrive at the hospital and sat down next to me. Amy and Natara weren't friendly at first, but after a few weeks, they quickly became best friends.

"Oh my God! I heard you found Nat! Is she okay? Where was she? How badly was she hurt? Who the hell abducted her?!" Amy spit off rapid-fire questions. I couldn't help but smile a bit on the inside when Amy questioned me. It's cute when she does it. And I mean that in the most non-romantic way possible. Amy has always been like a little sister to me. An over caffeinated, sweet, adorable, little sister.

"Not really, Miller's safe house, which apparently can be turned into a torture chamber, really bad from what I could tell, and Senan Miller." I replied in answer to all of Amy's questions. Before I could continue, a young nurse came up to the both of us and asked,

"Are you two here for Natara Williams?"

Simultaneously, Amy and I both replied "Yes." Before Amy piped up.

"How bad is she hurt?" The nurse took a deep breath before responding.

"Well… I'm honestly not sure how she's still alive, but she is. She's suffered major blood loss, has a fractured collarbone, wrist, femur, ankle, three of her ribs are broken, and she has a slight fracture to her C4 vertebrae. She has, from what I can tell anyway, approximately 78 cuts and lacerations to her entire body, some of them nearly two weeks old, but were so deep we had to reopen them and stitch them properly. In addition to that, we had to stitch 43 of the other cuts that were placed on her body. With the fractures, many were days old and didn't set properly, so we had to fracture them again and reset them correctly. She experienced severe trauma to the neck, which horrifies me because I could see rope burns, and bruises in the shape of someone's hand, which suggests attempted strangulation. Due to this, until the swelling goes down, she will not be able to speak, but after that, from a psychological standpoint, it may take a while for her to begin talking again on her own. In addition to that, she is extremely malnourished and dehydrated, so once she is completely out of surgery, we will hook her up to an IV and feed her nutrients through that. I'll come back later to let you know when you are allowed to see her. All right?" When Amy and I both nodded yes, she leaned over to me and dropped her voice to a whisper, and asked, "You got that bastard who did this, right?" I looked up and whispered back,

"Yeah, he's currently our guest at the morgue, as we speak."

The nurse, satisfied, stood back up and said, "Good, he better be." And with that she turned around and walked down the hallway.

I think I went into shock. After hearing, all of what Nat had to go through, and still be alive… That was a miracle in my eyes. Slowly, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift off to sleep.

Later I was awoken by the same nurse I had spoken to just hours before.

"Excuse me, Mr…Fallon? The doctor says you and your friend here may see Miss Williams now. But, you can't overwhelm her all right? She's pretty drugged up on pain killers at the moment, but seems to be coherent enough. I'll show you to her room!" The nurse spoke quietly and gently. I sleepily nodded yes, and then proceeded to wake up Amy, who had fallen asleep as well.

Once Amy was awake, we all headed down the seemingly endless corridor until we came to a room. "Press the button on the bed if you need anything! The nurse said before walking away. I glanced at Amy before taking a deep breath and turned the door knob.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shorter, but sweet! :)**

Chapter 3

******_*You are now Natara Williams*_**

I hate hospitals so much. I hate them with a legit passion. I sighed as I watched the fluids from my IV drip into the tube that went into my arm. I always found that kind of gross. I don't know why, I think it's just because I hate hospitals and everything in hospitals. I don't even know why I hate hospitals, it's not like I have a good reason to hate them, I just do.

Suddenly, a noise got my attention. I froze up, suddenly alert for danger. Instead of danger, I saw Mal and Amy slowly step into my room.

Poor Amy. Out of all of us on our "team" Amy is the most sensitive. I could tell she had been crying, from her puffy, red eyes even though she tried to hide it. To reassure her, I gave her a weak wave and a smile. She visibly relaxes, and then Mal came over and handed me a pad of paper and a pencil, before whispering.

"Only if you're up for it" I smiled before moving my dinner tray over so I could have a solid surface to write on. I took the pencil in my left hand, thanking god I was ambidextrous, before writing a note.

_Well I screwed up big this time, didn't I? _I wrote, receiving a small smile from both of my friends.

"We were so worried about you." Amy stated. "We were looking everywhere for you!"

"Ya, and it's because of Amy we did. She was able to trace your cell phone, when a homeless man picked it up and tried to use it. It was dropped just ½ mile away from where you were." Mal praised as Amy simply blushed.

"It wasn't that big of a deal." I picked up the pencil again and wrote: _Oh shut up and stop being so modest. You would've never found me if it wasn't for that. Thanks Ames! _Again, Amy only blushed and smiled.

"You're welcome!" D'awww, she's so cute. She's the baby of the SFPD family, but she's definitely the smartest. Well when it comes to that geeky stuff with computers and science anyway. We're so lucky to have her.

After an hour or so of them talking and I writing, a nurse came in to let them know that visiting hours are over and they must go. I waved good-bye to Amy, and Mal gingerly placed a kiss on my cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

**_*You are now Mal Fallon*_**

Nat has been out of the hospital for three weeks now, after spending two weeks in the hospital. We already lived together in the same apartment, so I just took her home when she left the hospital.

Most of the cuts and bruises have healed, leaving scars of course, but at least they won't hurt her anymore. The bulky casts on her wrist and ankle have been replaced with little pharmacy store brand splints, and her ribs have healed just fine. That's not what concerned me though. What concerned me was that she still had yet to talk. I can't even imagine what she went through that made it so scary to want to speak. Some days, it would seem like she was going to speak. Her mouth would begin to open, but then it would abruptly close and she would revert back to writing on the white board I bought for her.

I would hide the board sometimes, so she would have to use her voice to communicate. However, she is still the Mossad crossbreed with the FBI, highly trained spy. She always found it. But tonight, I have a plan. Earlier today I asked her a question. I don't even remember what the question was. But I do know that she was about to speak. This has been happening constantly throughout the day, so I feel like she is finally about to speak.

Before dinner she approached me in the kitchen, quiet as a mouse. "Well at least she can still walk around like a ninja." I thought to myself. When we first met, she used to be able to scare the crap out of me by sneaking up behind me like that. However, after spending two years with her, I've developed a "sixth sense" for Natara.

Well, technically, I'm using one of my five senses. She always has the smell of coffee and cinnamon, a scent I can now smell from a mile away. Well, probably not a mile away, but I do now know when she is near me at least.

"I know you're behind me." I say out loud, before turning around to face her.

She leans against the refrigerator, arms folded against her chest, with a mischievous smile playing across her lips.

"Before you ask, it's because of your scent." I state quickly, dismissing the look of confusion that flickered across her face for a few seconds. "Anyway, what do you want for dinner?" I question. Natara instantly reached down for her white board and marker. No sooner did it get into her hands, I plucked the marker from her hand.

"Use your words." I tell her. In response, she simply raised her hand, ready to start signing to me in sign language. I gently reached over and eased her arm down.

"You know I don't understand any of that. Come on Nat, talk! I know you can!" I saw gingerly in a pleading voice. "Come on Nat, Try to say something!" When I had stated the last part of my sentence, I see complete terror flash through her eyes. She freezes up for a few moments, as if paralyzed, before jerking her arm away from me and turns on her heels, sprinting for the stairs. She trips a few times running up the stairs before hiding in the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**_*You are now Natara Williams*_**

I slammed the bedroom door behind and pressed my full body weight up against it. My heart was racing, and I was struggling to catch my breath. After a few moments, I heard Mal's heavy footsteps follow me up the stairs before hearing his voice. He was trying to tell me something through the door, but I had no idea what he was saying. The only thought I had on my mind was from back when I was in that torture chamber. From when I was being strangled. All I could hear was Mallory's cold voice, and what he was saying to me.

"**_Come on Special Agent Williams, talk! Try to say something!" _****He let out a cruel laugh, while tightening the rope that was tied around my neck. I weakly pawed at the noose, trying to break free from its inevitable death grip. Red, white, and black spots began to dance in my vision**.

**_"It looks like our fine fed friend won't be telling us any more stories." _****Mallory spat at me, before I eventually succumbed to the lack of oxygen and passed out.**

I snapped back to reality with the vibration of the bedroom door being knocked on by Mal's pounding fist. Unsteadily, I staggered over to the bed and laid down, sobbing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Quite possibly my shortest chapter... EVER... **

Chapter 6

**_*You are now Mal Fallon.*_**

I turned the knob to the bedroom door once more, and to my surprise, it opened. I looked into the bedroom and saw Nat lying in the bed, sobbing. I instantly was by her side and gingerly lifted her up and held her close to me, stroking her hair and gently rubbing her back, attempting to calm her down. She was hysterical, and the only thing I could do was hold her close and attempt to soothe her. I felt so helpless.


	7. Chapter 7

**Yay... A longer chapter! Enjoy!**

Chapter 7

**_*You are now Natara Williams*_**

It's been two days since that little episode I went through. I knew Mal felt bad, and I knew there was only one way to fix this.

I pulled my car out in front of the torture house. It was still taped off with police tape, to warn people to stay out. Well, I was about to ignore that warning.

I hopped out of my car and walked into the building. Upon reaching the first door in the structure, I already felt nauseous. However, I continued on, and kept on walking until I found the door that was taped off. By now, I felt like I was legit going to vomit everywhere. Ignoring my body's warning, I ducked under the caution tape, as confidently as I could manage.

And I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the dried pools of blood. Did I really bleed out that much? Is that… is that even physically possible? My knees instantly felt weak, and I collapsed onto the floor on my hands and knees, my head bowed trying to suppress the sickness I felt.

_This was a mistake. _I felt the noose come back around my neck. I was choking.

_I shouldn't have come back. _Miller's harsh voice came back into the room.

**_"You will not win, Agent Williams." _**He sneered. The noose was getting tighter. I couldn't breathe. I won't let this happen again though. I refuse to. This time, I will defeat my demon and I will NOT lose. The room was spinning around me. I felt sick to my stomach, but I will NOT LOSE. Over and over again, I heard Miller's voice.

"**_You will not win. You will not win. You will not win." _**

"You will not win." I heard the words flow out of my mouth, barely a whisper.

Feeling stronger, I say it again. "You will _not _win!" I exclaim, at a louder tone than before. Slowly, I rose to my feet, gaining my bearings once more before heading for the door. As I was about to leave, I turned around one last time, and stated with confidence, "**You did** **NOT win! I did." **With that, I turned on my heel, and strode out of that dark building, never to look back again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Last chapter before the epilogue. Yay for the foreign languages I randomly placed in here...  
Spanish, Greek, french, and English...**

Chapter 8

**_*You are now Mal Fallon*_**

"What do you want for dinner, honey?" I called out to Natara, who was sitting on the couch watching television when I got home from work.

"Uhm, take-out Chinese? We haven't had that for a while!" Her voice rang out from the living room.

"All righty then! That sounds good, what do you-" I instantly stopped talking when I realized what just happened. Making sure I wasn't going crazy, I stepped into the living room. "Nat?" I asked slowly.

"Yes?" she replied without taking her eyes off the television screen.

"Did you just… You are…" I kept on blabbering like an idiot, my mind in shock.

"Speak? Talk? Hablo? Parle? Tala? Yeah, I did." She states matter-of-factly, followed by a light laugh.

I was speechless. So instead of responding back, I simply ran over to her and hugged her, forgetting about her still standing injuries momentarily. Well at least until she spoke up.

"Uhm, ouch?" She winced slightly in pain.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! But I am so so so happy right now!"

"So I've noticed. Anyway, about the Chinese take-out?"

"Yes! Yes, let's go and get Chinese take-out! Anything for you! Come on! Let's go." I exclaim, so excited I must've looked like a child after Halloween.

"Calm down or I'll put you on a leash." Nat threatens, but smiles while saying it. I give her a toothy grin before heading over to the key rack and grabbing the car keys.


	9. Chapter 9

**HAPPINESS AND JOY MY LITTLE MUNCHKINS.. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF MY STORY WITH OUT DYING! :D**

**THAT MAKES ME FEEL AWESOME! Alright, now enjoy this corny, cliche epilogue... And please review! :D**

_Epilogue_

**_*You are now Mal Fallon.*_**

"You're such an idiot." My gorgeous fiancé scolds me from across the table at our favorite diner.

"What did I do?" I ask innocently.

"You almost let the suspect get away!"

"He threw a trash can at me! I had to duck!" I defend myself.

"Whatever."

"Nat, is this about how I _almost _let the suspect get away, or are you just pissed that I finished the last of the ice cream last night?" I ask. Natara doesn't answer; instead she just glares at me. To ease the glare, I quickly lean forward and touch my lips to hers, while running my fingers over her hands. I paused and smiled when my fingers ran over her shining engagement ring. She felt my fingers pause and I felt her smile as well.

It's been nine months since she was abducted. Six months since I proposed to her and she said yes. It was an… original proposal. Her father is very wealthy and owns many stables. Natara has been surrounded by horses her entire life, and she loves them. I first surprised her by showing up in her riding ring astride one of their beginner schooling horses. There was a small path of lights that lead to where I stood in the ring, in front of a wall. She was already shocked to see me on a horse, and the lights definitely confused her. Unlike Natara, I am petrified of horses, so she had a right to be confused. She dismounted her horse and led him over to where I stood, still very much confused. I got down off my horse, and began to propose to her. When the time had come, someone flicked a switch on and the wall behind me was instantly illuminated by Christmas lights that spelled out, "Will you marry me?" She was so surprised, I loved it. Instantly, she had said yes, and I slipped the engagement ring on her finger. Definitely, it was an original proposal in my book.

Some people might think that I was crazy to propose. They would say she comes with too much baggage. Some days are more overwhelming than others. But to me, she's definitely worth it. To others, she's broken, over whelming, and a lot to handle. To herself, she feels insecure, bothersome, and she's self-conscious about the scars she still has. But to me? To me, she's the most beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted, and the most perfect woman in the world.

She still has nightmares, every night. Before she started talking again, and even in the hospital, I knew she suffered from terrible nightmares. However before she began to speak again, she would wake up, but wouldn't make a sound. After she resumed speaking again, her nightmares escaped from their silent confines. Every night, she wakes up drenched in sweat, bawling her eyes out, screaming. If she wasn't screaming, then she would be coughing or choking, most likely reliving some of the worst torture she endured.

I would cuddle with her for hours after she awoke, staying awake with her until she fell back asleep. She's constantly apologizing for waking me up, and always believes that she is bothering me. Even though she may think that, I personally enjoy spending any time of my day or night with her, even if it's not the best situation. I don't feel so helpless as I did earlier, because she has told me that my staying awake with her and standing by her side when she needed me, helped her shorten the long road of psychological recovery.

She has to go to a psychologist 3 days out of the week, and she tells me she hates it. I suppose she has the right to. She's the Bureau's best profiler, so she knows all the tricks the shrink might have up his sleeve. She's still damaged, psychologically speaking of course. She never tells anyone what happened when she was in Miller's torture house. Not even me, or the shrink. If she sees someone walking down the street that even looks a bit like Miller, she will avoid that person at all costs. She suffers from PTSD, Anxiety, mild Depression, and has random panic attacks throughout a week. She takes some medicine for it, but it really doesn't do anything but calm some of her frayed nerves. Normally whenever she has a panic attack, I just sit down with her and hold her close, until it subsides.

Even with all the psychological damage, and fights we go through I love her, and nothing will change that.

The End


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note:**

**I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it! Heads up: At some points, Miller may be changed to Mallory... I am not sure why it's doing this except for Autocorrect I assume.**

**Natara and Ziva from NCIS would probably get along don't you think? **

**and I also changed many situations in the story, such as Amy and Nataras distaste in each other at first...but remember I wrote this for school and I didn't want it to be 100% based on the real situation. also,remember that this is fiction for a reason... :D**

**And YES HER DAD DOES OWN A TON OF STABLES BECAUSE I SAID SO! :D**

**MORE STORIES TO COME SOON! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

heyyyy everybodyyyy

sorry, haven't updated in a LONG TIME.

But thanks for the reviews!


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